Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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