Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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