wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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