get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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