Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
