Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
