When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
