she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Your penis caused this!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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