Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have already put on my inside pants.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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