before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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