im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
