so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is wine microwaveable?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
