Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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