If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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