i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
