Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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