Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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