Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
