So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
