Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
