I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
