the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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