dude i'm inner monologue high
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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