theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
