when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
