4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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