p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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