So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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