Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My bed smells like the plague
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