Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
