I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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