Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
