Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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