While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize