He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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