I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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