You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
