i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
