I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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