the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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