wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
