He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
