On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
