i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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