Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
