giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
