So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
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So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
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I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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