You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
