turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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