dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
this boner is exhausting
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
