hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
