one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
