i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
