mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
