My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
