Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i need some magic done to my vagina
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
