guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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