i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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