I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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