real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
