I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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