I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize