Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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