People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
