Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
