I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
