Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
