I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
