dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
