booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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