those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
