actually, I'm a sock model
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
